


The Great Escape

by alittlebitlove



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Depression, M/M, Physical Abuse, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Tearjerker, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-03
Updated: 2013-03-03
Packaged: 2017-12-04 03:33:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/706042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlebitlove/pseuds/alittlebitlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is broken. He gets bullied at school every day and he doesn’t think he can take it any longer. But once the new student, Louis Tomlinson, comes into his English class and pays a lot of attention on him, will things get better? Or will they get even worse, without Louis actually knowing it? Harry Styles is maybe never meant to be fixed after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Escape

**Author's Note:**

> _Title from the song 'The Great Escape' by Pink. The story is kind of based on the song as well._
> 
>  
> 
> I wrote this back in September and it's basically the easiest and the toughest thing I've ever written. This one-shot is everything to me, so I decided to post it here as well (other place being Tumblr). Hopefully, you like it. Enjoy! :) xx.

Another laugh. Another push with their strong hands. Another abasement. Another set of tears falling down Harry Styles’s face at night. He was a ball on his childhood bed, not trying to hold any of the tears back.

_You’re worthless._

_You’re stupid._

_You don’t belong here._

_Go away._

_Kill yourself. You’ll make everyone a favour._

He shut his eyes even tighter, a sob breaking free from his parted lips. No, no, no. Not another breakdown. He could cry a little, sure, but not another one. He didn’t have one in a while and he liked it that way. The walls he’d built stayed there for such a long time and he was doing his best not to break them. He remembered that time when they threw things at him – heavy things – making his whole body ache. It wasn’t that long time ago. He remembered how he tried so hard not to cry. How he tried to tell them to stop. But no one listened – not even a teacher just few meters away. And other children just laughed, pointing fingers in his direction, whispering things in each other’s ears. Probably saying how pathetic he was. The whole class that came after that one, he’d spent with his head on the table, his curls covering his red and wet face, ignoring everything around him. It hurt. He could barely handle harsh words, whispering behind his back and having almost no friends at all – especially not in his class – and handling the mockery they thought he didn’t see.

He tried telling someone – telling his mom who he was really close to or his teacher who was really an understanding person – but all he got was: ‘You have to be more sociable. Hang out with them. Try to make friends.’ They only question he had in his head was: ‘But how?’ Because, last time he checked,  _they_ were the ones avoiding and making fun of  _him_ ,not vice versa. Nobody understood. Nobody did, no matter how hard he tried to explain.

The fact that the thing that they were doing to him was called bullying didn’t hit him till recently. They weren’t punching him. They weren’t beating him till he was unconscious, so even he wasn’t really so serious about it. But then it just hit him. It was almost as bad as beating and nobody saw it. Not even the bullies. Till he did something stupid, nobody else will notice. Nobody will notice in how much of a pain he was. Nobody will notice how his smiles and stupid jokes were just a cover up for what was underneath. Why? Why was there nobody in the world that understood? Why was he stuck alone?

 

He looked at the razor in his shaky hands. He was biting hard on his lip. Pain. He needed it. He needed something that will make his mind go numb. He needed it so badly. But… but what if itwasn’t enough? What if that didn’t help at all? He heard so many stories about how wrong and bad it was. The razor got closer to his wrist without him even noticing it. He just needed to do one swift movement. Just one, tiny move and that pain will come. It’ll all get better… But instead of doing so, a razor flew out of his shaky hands and on the floor, making a soft  _thud_. He blinked a few times, not believing his actions. He was shaking now. His lips trembled, his eyes watered again. He slid down the wall, keeping his trembling hands around his knees.  _What am I doing? What am I doing?_ was the question going through his head. He couldn’t start it. He couldn’t. Someone will notice and then they’ll call him insane and make him go to a psychiatrist and whatnot. And even then, nobody will understand. They will just say he was seeking attention and kids at school would be hundreds of times meaner. Then again, maybe they wouldn’t notice, if he found the way to hide it well.

No. No. He won’t do it. He could be strong. He was the last two years. He could cope with it for two more, right? But those two years seemed so far away. So, so far away. And Harry wasn’t sure he’ll make through all of them without breaking. Sometimes, he wished he was like them – full of himself, radiating with confidence, preppy and literally dumb. It seemed like their life was so much easier than his. It seemed like they had no problems at all. But, somewhere deep inside he knew it wasn’t like that. Maybe their lives were anything but perfect, so they decided to take it all on him. It wouldn’t be surprising. He wasn’t the most sociable person. He took his time to know people. He didn’t let anyone in his life so easily and, maybe because others were so outgoing (not that he wasn’t, he just took his time to let himself go), they weren’t accepting him. They weren’t accepting  _different._ And that was the sad thing. If someone was just a little bit different from them, they’ll ignore them, pretend they don’t exist. People didn’t know better. Well, most of them anyways.

He took a few deep breaths, tears still streaming down his face. But he felt a little bit better, so he stood up, getting in the shower, forgetting the razor that was still resting on the cool tiles.

*

Harry woke up the next morning feeling worse than ever. His throat was hoarse from all the tears he cried last night and he could still feel the tracks of them around his eyes. He took a shaky breath, trying to cool himself down. There was a knock on his door just then and, knowing that it was his mom – he didn’t want her to worry even more than she already did – he just said he was up. When he heard her leaving, he stood up on his legs that weren’t in the best condition. He stretched and yawned, feeling his whole body cracking and relaxing immediately. He went to his closet and opened it. It was a usual closet, consisting of jeans, shirts and other every day clothes. He picked the closest beige jeans and his Ramones T-shirt that he wore so much it already started to look all worn out. But he didn’t care. It was his favourite T-shirt and he didn’t tend to replace it.

With a strong feeling in his gut, he walked into the bathroom. A blue razor was still resting on the floor, piercing Harry in the eyes, calling him, inviting him. He wouldn’t let it stop him though. He shut the door and took a step forward. And then another one. He took a razor blade in his hands, twisting and watching it, a little bit dazzled.  _No,_ a voice of reason said in his head.  _Don’t do it._ His will was getting weaker and weaker. The one voice was saying one thing and the other was telling another. He didn’t know what to believe in anymore.

He imagined what it would be like – to get it closer to his wrist. And then pull that one line. And then he feel the pain. The pain so overwhelming it shut all his other feelings down. And then that red liquid would appear and pain would be gone again and it wouldn’t be enough. Then there would be the other line and the other till he felt be-

He screamed in frustration. But he didn’t cry. He held his tears back this time. He became a master in that after a while. He bit his lip, looking at the razor like it held every answer to his questions in the world. Sparkling, unused blades were still calling him. And then he finally gave up. He let out his bottom lip from his teeth and with steady, equable breathes, brought the razor blade closer to his wrist. He pressed a razor to his skin and, in one swift movement, pulled a straight line, ripping the skin and leaving an open wound. A pain shot through his body, numbing his senses. He closed his eyes, hissing in pain, but, at the same time a relief ran through his veins, a bliss of happiness coming along. That did feel good.

Just when he was about to make another cut, his phone went off. He let out a frustrated groan, left the razor on the sink and went to his room. He picked up without looking at the caller’s ID.

“What?” He spat out, running a hand through his still untangled curls. He knew he shouldn’t be that rude to whoever was at the other side of the line, but seeing as they interrupted him, he really didn’t give a damn.

“Gee, Harry, relax. It’s me. I just wanted to tell you that I’ll pick you up in ten. You’re always late and I don’t want to be late for school again, so I’m warning you.” Niall’s loud voice with thick Irish accent was coming from the other side of a line and Harry felt his anger melting immediately. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t be mad at Niall. He was one of his only friends, but the fact that they barely had any classes together was devastating. Harry was mostly going with people that hated him with no particular reason and that wasn’t what he wanted at all. He let himself smile a little. Niall was the one keeping him together, but that seemed not to be enough more and more often.

“Okay, okay. Don’t worry. I’ll be ready.” He said and after saying their farewells, they hung up. Harry threw his phone on the bed and went back to bathroom. His clothes were still there. He wasn’t near ready. He knew he didn’t have time to make new cuts and somewhere deep inside, he didn’t want to. So he washed the razor and put it in the drawer – just in case.

He took what seemed like the fastest shower in his life and put on his clothes, fixing up his dark curls that never seemed to be the way he wanted them to be. Still, he didn’t want to shave them. They were his trademark and he didn’t want to lose it just like that. He placed the watch at the place where bright, red cut was, so no one would see it. Hopefully, no one will. He looked at himself in the mirror and he wasn’t satisfied – just like always. He was too fat, too disguising and too depressed to function. Sometimes he thought that he didn’t belong to this world. It was stupid thinking, he knew that much, but maybe the world would be a better place without him. Nobody wanted him anyways.

Niall’s car stopped at his driveway just when Harry was putting on his Nike’s. He hurried a little because Niall really hated waiting and, because of Harry, he was late multiple times already, so maybe he could be on time just now. He threw the bag over his right shoulder and walked outside, saying goodbye to his mother in the process. When he saw Harry coming, Niall smiled so happily and cheerfully that even Harry could see him smiling from the doorway. He opened the door of a car and hopped in.

“Hi!” Niall greeted cheerfully and Harry put on that fake smile he’s been putting on for months now. Niall didn’t notice the difference anymore. Nobody did. Nobody cared.

“Hey.” Harry muttered and fixed his gaze in front of himself. Niall started driving, totally oblivious of the awkward atmosphere that took over the small car. He turned on the radio and one of Justin Bieber’s old songs was playing. Niall’s whole face lit up even more and he started singing along. Harry couldn’t hold back the chuckle that left his lips. They continued their ten minute drive, Niall singing and bantering till Harry tried hard not to think of what he had one. Instantly, his hand flew to his watch and grasped it. He could still feel the stinging pain – not that it bothered him so much. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. He was going to be okay. It was just one, small cut. Nothing special. It was nothing serious and nobody will find out. He assured himself in that. He’ll be fine.

Niall’s car pulled into an available spot in a parking lot and he turned off the car without Harry actually noticing. He was pulled away from his thoughts only when Niall nudged him in the ribs and told him to get out of the car. Harry obliged and soon, he was met by the same, obnoxious people he saw almost every day. He breathed in and out a few times and, by cheerful Niall on his side, made his way towards that building he hated so much.

“You’ll be fine, right?” Niall asked, looking concerned as ever. Harry offered him a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes and nodded.

“Yeah, of course I will.” He mumbled, keeping his head low. Ground seemed much more interesting all of the sudden. Even though looking at people’s faces made him feel small and even more unwanted, he was very observant, to say so. He  _saw_ people. He saw who they really were. Maybe that sounded a little bit stupid and maybe, if he ever told anyone, people would laugh at him. But… he was watching people. His whole life he’d spent somewhere in the corner watching them – how they behaved, looking at those fake smiles on their faces and, the most of it all, what hid behind that mask, wall, they’ve built. It may seemed like they didn’t give a fuck about anything, but Harry knew better. He knew they had a lot of insecurities, so they just took it all out on him and kids like him. Even if it made him sound like some creeper (what he was, really), it was something that just came to him. When they didn’t have anything to do while in class and him watching all those people talking, laughing, gossiping… there really wasn’t anything he could do. Seeing as nobody invited him in their ‘special group’, watching was the only thing that was left for him to do. He wished that was different but, at the same time, he didn’t want to hang out with those selfish and arrogant people.

“What you have now?” Niall asked, looking curiously at Harry who didn't return the gaze.

“English.” He said and looked forward, seeing that they were too close to the classroom he was supposed to have a class in and he didn’t like that. Niall smiled lightly and tapped him on the back. Niall understood him – or he at least tried to do so. It wasn’t like he was going through the same thing. He had loads of friends beside Harry and, whenever Harry was in their company, he felt disregarded and alone. So Niall hanged out with him most of the time and Harry appreciated it. If he could have any other person in the world for a friend, he wouldn’t choose them over Niall.

As they approached the English classroom, Niall hugged him tightly and whispered that everything’s going to be okay. Harry accepted the hug, trying so hard to believe those words. He hoped they were true. Oh how he hoped. He hoped that they were true every day. Every day Niall would say them and Harry let his hope rise up. Of course, it would all be just the same, but still, somewhere deep inside, Harry had that hope that he never wanted to let go of. Maybe because it was the only thing that was left for him. He only had that.

Laughter and screams and giggling filled the room and Harry felt like he was going to sulk even more. He took his seat in the first row, right next to the doors and put his head on the desk. He could already feel some of the students’ stares on him, but he tried to ignore them. He tried not to give a fuck. Still, that one cut was in front of his eyes – no matter if they were closed or opened, it was there. It was driving him insane and he wished he never did it. But then he remembered the relief he felt almost immediately after the cut was done and his feelings were mixed once again. What was right anymore? He didn’t know. He tried to sort his thoughts so many times that it seemed useless right now. He will probably never be able to put them into the two different drawers – into the one where ‘light and good ones’ were and the one where ‘dark and bad ones’ were. He wished he could organise his life like that. He had a feeling he would've been so much happier than he really was. Maybe he would've been able to ignore haters better and maybe then, they wouldn’t have been bothered with him. But all of that was just a wishful thinking. Reality was so much different – so much more painful.

Door opened and Harry knew their teacher walked it. He didn’t know if he really wanted to lift his head. The teacher will ignore him anyways. He was just a quiet kid who sat alone in almost every class and got lost in his thoughts quite often. So, maybe teacher really won’t care. All of the sudden, words were whispered and excitement and squeals interrupted the perfect silence that there was before.

“Can I ask for everyone’s attention, please?” Teacher shouted over the noise in the room and everyone shut up in seconds. Harry sighed and lifted his head. He knew it was a bad idea. He really shouldn’t have done it. His life would be the same. Well, that was a lie because he would see the boy in class and school and such, but maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. The boy that was standing in front of the class, right by the teacher’s side, was definitely the most gorgeous human being Harry Styles ever laid his eyes on. He wasn’t overreacting, he knew that. The boy had an easy smile on his sharp and well-structured face, his jaw leaping out as if it was trying to torture Harry till he couldn’t take it anymore and he jumped on the boy.

The blue eyes. The blue eyes Harry was sure he never saw before – on anyone. They were blue, but they had a hint of grey and green in it as if they were asking for Harry to get lost in them. The pale and oh so kissable lips were giving to his whole face some kind of an angelic appearance and, if Harry didn’t know better, he would think the boy was an angel in a human form. His hair was done in messy, but still fashionable way, with the fringe flipped on the side. He wasn’t particularly tall – not like Harry was anyways – but he wasn’t small either. He was just  _there_ and it fitted him. He was wearing blue bottom-up and Harry found himself thinking that it was such a shame he couldn’t see his collarbones. The rolled up, dark skinny jeans were showing off his legs and arse that just looked like it was sent from heaven and just… well, let’s say Harry thought that his large hands would fit perfectly on it. He really wasn’t overreacting. The whole look was fulfilled with black TOMS on his feet and they just looked right with the whole look, even though Harry would probably never wear them.

Harry finally jolted himself from his trance once the teacher started to speak. “Class, this is Louis Tomlinson. He’s transferred here from Doncaster, so I  _beg_ you to give him a warm welcome. Louis, take a seat wherever you want to.” Louis. Louis was a nice name. It suited him, Harry decided. He sighed deeply and leaned against his seat. He didn’t need another crush. He really didn’t. There won’t come anything from it, so why bother? It was kind of hard though. Louis was definitely too gorgeous for his own good.

Even though there were more seats in the class than the one next to Harry, Harry felt his breath catching in his throat as Louis made his way towards his desk. He stood in front of it, looking at Harry with those mesmerizing blue eyes. There was a thing about them that Harry hadn’t noticed before. There were crinkles around them when he smiled and that looked so beautiful that Harry wanted to throw up. In another words, Harry was enchanted.

“Is this seat taken?” Louis asked with his voice that was high-pitched and it, oh slightly, cracked at the end. Harry gulped and nodded because that was all he could do at the moment. Louis’ smile just got bigger and brighter, if that was even possible, while murmuring quick ‘thanks’ and taking a seat next to Harry. It took everything in Harry’s power to take his eyes away from the beautiful boy. Harry might’ve imagined it, but it looked like Louis pulled his chair closer to Harry, brushing their arms lightly against one another. The contact sent shivers down Harry’s spine and he didn’t like it at all. “I’m Louis.” He introduced himself like Harry didn’t already know. He glanced at him and offered a close-lipped smile. It was his most frequent one and the boy next to him didn’t deserve the more special one, he decided.

“Harry.” He murmured and then looked at the teacher again, who now started some boring lesson Harry didn’t care to catch the name of. But Louis was stubborn and he didn’t give up from talking. Harry just wanted him to leave him alone because he knew that, as soon as Louis found out who he was and how people were treating him, he will run away immediately. He got attached to him enough already – he didn’t need to get deeper.

“So Harry, you seem a bit quiet, yeah? Don’t be shy, I’m outgoing guy. I love to talk.”  _Well, I certainly can hear that,_ Harry thought to himself and smirked, now fully looking at the boy next to him.

“I have plenty of reasons to be quiet.” He whispered back, trying to keep the smirk on his face, even if it felt fake, just like always, and it actually physically hurt him to smile. People didn’t understand that nor did he try to explain it. He kept it all bottled up and he was sure that wouldn’t change anytime soon.

“Oh. And why is that?” Harry would usually be annoyed with people asking questions like that and pushing subject too far, but that wasn’t the case with Louis. The boy with blue eyes seemed genuinely interested and Harry couldn’t ignore that so easily. So he bit his lip to keep himself from smiling because Louis really didn’t deserve that and now, the desk in front of him seemed a lot more interesting.

“I think you’ll find soon enough.” Harry said simply, keeping his gaze firmly on the circled scratch at the desk and drawing a finger along with the line. The action left his finger feeling cold and lingering. He felt an assuring hand on his shoulder. It was warm and it even gave a light squeeze that made Harry relax. Harry didn’t know what the thing with Louis was. After all, he knew the boy for barely five minutes and somehow, he got under his skin. Harry didn’t think that was even possible before today.

“Why not tell me?” He asked quietly. Harry blinked a few times more than necessary and then brushed the hand off his shoulder. No. He couldn’t get attached. Not now. Not ever. He was better alone. It was better that he kept his friends on minimum – the chance of someone getting hurt was smaller like that. And Harry was the only one who needed to hurt right now. He deserved it. If anyone did have to go through that pain – he was the right choice for it. Of course he was. People chose him and he didn’t defend himself before, so why start now just because someone paid some attention on him? Louis will be gone in no time. Soon, he’d become his bully, so why bother?

“Because you’ll hate me when these forty minutes pass. I don’t see a point in telling you when the pricks in this room will tell you soon.” He said bitterly and addressed his gaze on the board that wasn’t so plain anymore. He took the pencil and his notebook and started to write down what almost all class had already written. They were all kind of geeks – it wasn’t surprising really. He could still feel Louis’ eyes on him, but he didn’t pay much attention on it. Not anymore. Then he’d done something Harry was sure he would never do. He  _chuckled._ Chuckled! Harry’s eyes grew wide, even though he tried to make it seem like he didn’t hear it – didn’t notice it.

“You know, I’m not the one who judges people. Or the one that makes auspices without knowing the person beforehand. I don‘t know you, so I won‘t judge you till you give me a reason to. It‘s not worth it.“ Harry gaped at him. Did he hear it well? It wasn‘t like anyone told him that they judged him, but he could clearly see it and feel it in their words and laughter. It stung, so hearing something like this made him totally shocked and surprised.

“I...“ He tried but he really didn‘t know what to say exactly. The words were stuck inside of him and they wouldn‘t come out. So he was opening and closing his mouth like a fish, no sound coming out of his lips. Louis smiled and squeezed his thigh. Finally, after too much breathing, Harry found courage to speak. “I... nobody cares. Not really anyways. Nobody made an effort to get to know me. Except for Niall, but he‘s the whole other story. Other‘s are just judging me without actually knowing why or what they‘re doing. You‘re the first one to say such thing and... I appreciate it. Really.“ He didn‘t know what he was doing. He just poured his heart out to a complete stranger who he didn‘t even know if he could trust. Louis smiled and put a hand on his thigh again. There was just something about Louis Tomlinson that Harry couldn‘t quite put his finger on. There he was, talking to this boy for only a few minutes, and he already felt like he could trust him more than anyone else in the class. That was definitely something Harry couldn‘t explain.

“Tell you what. I‘ll give you a week and if I like you enough, you can be my best friend!“ Louis said teasingly and Harry couldn‘t help but to release a low chuckle. Yeah, he definitely liked the guy. Also, he could deal with it, so he just nodded and faced the class again, trying to catch up on the lesson, even though he knew that was quite impossible.

*

“Tommo The Rocket, is coming on you!” Harry heard that loud and obnoxious voice down the hallway and, before he even got the chance to turn around, a person jumped on his back, wrapping their arms around his neck and bringing him down with them. Harry let out a loud moan, but person just laughed in his ear and kissed his neck.

“Louis! Why did you do that?” Harry exclaimed and grumbled beneath Louis. But Louis didn’t make an effort to get up, staying on top of Harry and playing with his curls like a little child. Harry rolled his eyes and somehow managed to get Louis’ hands off his curls and roll him off him.  
“Hey, that’s rude!” Louis pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. Harry laughed lightly and showed Louis off. He got up and offered Louis a hand that he gladly accepted. He smiled warmly and used Harry’s hand to pull him into bone-crushing hug. Harry didn’t see a point in it, but if it made Louis happy, then he’ll gladly accept it. He wrapped his arms around Louis’ small torso and buried his head in crook of Louis’ neck. He inhaled his scent, letting out a quiet ‘mhm’ but loud enough for Louis to hear it. He chuckled as he rubbed small circles in the small of his back. “Enjoying yourself, Haz?” he asked jokingly and Harry just nodded, smiling a little bit more.

It was weird. Louis was here for only four, now five, days prior and he and Harry were like two pieces that just  _fit_ together. They were inseparable and Louis didn’t seem to mind. Actually, he was acting like Harry’s friend, and Harry absolutely adored him. Harry wasn’t actually trying to hide that he had a slight crush on Louis, he just never talked about it. He thought Louis definitely knew it and he was using it against him. But Harry didn’t mind as long as it brought him closer to Louis. He felt happier than he felt in weeks,  _years_. It was all easier with Louis. He was loud, cheerful, a bubble full of energy and maybe that wasn’t something a lot of people could handle, but that was exactly what Harry needed. Louis made the dark thoughts go away, made that verbal abuse easier to handle – not that he knew for it that much. Louis was only in his English class and he didn’t see it all. After all, when he was with Louis, people would leave him alone (even if he didn’t know exactly why), but when he was alone again, people were the same. Of course, there was Niall again, but he found new blokes to hang out with too. Zayn and Liam were their names, but Harry didn’t make an effort to meet them. He didn’t actually care – not when he had Louis by his side. The boy with unusual blue eyes made him happy and that was all that mattered.

They finally pulled away from each other, smiling dumbly. Louis snuck his hand around Harry’s waist and started walking, taking them toward the English classroom. “Today’s a good day, right?” Louis asked, looking in the distance. Harry hummed and nodded, wrapping his own arm around Louis. I didn’t matter to them how it looked like to other people – not really. They were just being themselves and people found it quite weird that they clicked so fast. But it was normal to them. So normal it was almost scary. Harry didn’t expect for his life to change that Monday. He really didn’t. And it was all because of one breathtaking boy. Harry knew that sentence wasn’t really enough because there was so much in Louis than just that. He still felt like he didn’t know the boy quite that well though. But then again, nor did Louis know him. It was a circle that they didn’t try to stop. They just enjoyed the moment and each other and that was all the mattered right now. None of the two boys wanted to change that idyll. They simply didn’t want to do that.

Harry still wasn’t fine though. Not really. Not completely. He wished he was, of course. But abuse had never stopped and itching for that blade in the bathroom drawer that was still there was strong. He didn’t cut – not after that one time. He kept the thought of Louis in his head and he didn’t let go of it. He needed Louis in his life from now on, no matter how crazy that sounded. Louis kept him guarded and kept him away from all those thoughts. Harry needed him  _so much_ and he just hoped Louis won’t leave him. At least not soon. So while they were sitting in English and chatting mindlessly, not paying attention on class (and teacher not giving it much thought because nobody really was listening to her), Harry thought how his life was better with Louis by his side and that he could trust him nonetheless. He liked their easy relationship and he wouldn’t really want to change anything, if he was completely honest.

 

Harry walked out of his last class that day. History was easy, it always was. It would be his favourite subject if someone was by his side, but he tried not to think about it. Unfortunately, Louis needed to pick up his little sisters from Primary School, so he couldn’t walk home with Harry. Harry was disappointed, he’ll admit that much, but he also understood. His sisters were the most important thing to Louis and he would do anything for them. Harry just found it even more adorable and it made his crush for Louis even stronger. He sighed. It wasn’t a good thing that he had it. It really wasn’t. They were friends and they will probably stay just that – friends. Harry tried to wrap his head around it and burry his growing feelings away. It was a tough task though.

“There’s no one to protect you now, huh?” He heard a laughing voice behind him. Maybe he should’ve continued to walk. Maybe he would get away. But, instead of doing so, he stopped dead on his tracks and turned his head around, frozen. There, in the school hallway, a few meters away from the exit door, stood four guys, the smirks presented on all of their faces, hands crossed on their chests. Harry’s heartbeat quickened and he didn’t know what to do, where to go. They would catch him if he tried to escape them now – he knew that much. He gulped, fear getting the best of him. “What? Where’s your  _boyfriend_ to protect you? I mean, I knew you were stupid, retarded, always lost in your own fucking world and so fucking  _weird,_ but I didn’t know you were a  _fag._ ” A guy laughed and others joined him. Harry felt the tears well up from his green, emerald orbs. He knew he was gay since forever but he’d never said it out loud or even dated a boy. It would’ve only caused even more problems for him – this was just one example.

A guy took two, three steps forward until he was standing right in front of him. Tears started streaming down Harry’s face and he started shaking uncontrollably. He was weak. He knew that. And now, he was showing it, giving these four, tough guys even more reason to beat the living shit out of him. A guy laughed in his face, at his weakness. Harry felt even more fragile. “Look at you! All shaking like a fucking baby. Look at you! How  _dare_ you even  _shake?_ How dare you even  _cry_? You’re so pathetic!” He laughed again. “You don’t deserve to live! You never did, but now… you just gave me even more reasons to hate you.” He pushed him against the wall by the collar of his shirt, making sure to hit him against the wall once before getting into his face. “You’re disgusting.” Punch. “You stupid fag.” Another one. “You should cut yourself.” And another one. “You should kill yourself.” And another one was threw at his guts. Harry couldn’t choke a word. Couldn’t scream. Couldn’t sob. Couldn’t respond. He could only moan and groan in pain. Other guys laughed and threw a punch here and there. Finally, when he was on the floor, holding his stomach with his eyes closed and feeling like he was going to pass out, they left him with one last punch in his back.

Before everything went black, the only thing he heard was a scream from his best friend.

*

Harry felt peaceful. He didn’t feel peaceful like this in a long time. He could feel thick covers around his body and soft pillow beneath his head. It felt good until he didn’t feel a stinging pain all over his body. He hissed in pain and tried to shut his eyes ever tighter. It seemed like that movement woke up somebody that was by his side because the person squealed and he could feel someone hovering over him seconds later.

“Harry?” said panicked, Irish voice and Harry knew it was his best friend that was there. He moaned and tried to turn to the other side, but unsuccessfully. “Harry, be still. You can’t move. You’re all beaten up.” But Harry wouldn’t listen. He needed to move. Nobody understood. He needed to move, to find his way to the bathroom, to that drawer. Every little thing came back to him and he could feel tears in his eyes all over again. He groaned in frustration and removed the covers away from himself, no matter how comfortable he was. “Harry, what are you doing? Stay in the bed.” Harry opened his eyes and looked at concerned, blue eyes. But Harry wouldn’t let his emotions show, no matter the tears. He kept his expression blank. He was done. He was fucking done. He was done with everything and everyone because he couldn’t satisfy anyone and the world was full of hate and he just  _couldn’t._ So he found every power in his fragile body to move. He couldn’t, but at the same time, he could. Slowly, he lifted his upper body up, hissing and groaning, but that didn’t stop him. Finally, when he managed to get himself in a sitting position, he turned his body and put his legs on the floor and even though it caused him even more pain, he didn’t stop. Niall was panicking, searching for the phone and, when he finally found it, he dialled the first number he could remember. But Harry didn’t pay attention to the conversation. He didn’t care. He lifted himself up from the bed, tears streaming even more because the pain was almost insufferable. But he managed. He managed and that was all that mattered.

Step by step, he came to the only place he needed, wanted to be. The bathroom was the same he’d remembered it being. Nothing changed. Harry’s gaze flickered from the sink to the drawer next to it. He smiled a little, just as much as his muscles let him. Three steps into the bathroom and he was opening the drawer. There,he found that same razor bladehe saved five days ago. He took it without actually thinking this time. He won’t let anything stop him this time – not even his own thoughts. A guy wanted him to cut, so he’ll do just that. He fell on his knees, his body betraying him completely. He couldn’t stand anymore. He didn’t want to anyways. He rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and settled the razor in front of his wrist. He started crying harder, sobs escaping his chapped lips.

_One slice for all the damage they did with every stinging word._

_Other slice for all the times they laughed at me._

_Another one for all the embarrassment they’ve put me through._

_Another one for every punch they threw at me._

_Another one-_

“HARRY!” He heard a voice, oh so familiar voice he could never forget. “HARRY, PUT THE RAZOR DOWN! PUT THE RAZOR DOWN!” Louis was shouting at him, kneeling next to him and taking the razor out of his trembling hands. But all Harry could do was to stare at the bright, red cuts in daze. “Harry, look at me. Harry, look at me, please.” Harry’s gaze was blurry from all the tears that were still falling down his red cheeks. But he looked at those baby blue eyes. They were shining from the tears too. Before he even knew what he was doing, Harry buried his head in the crook of Louis’ neck and cried even harder. “Shhhhhh… everything we’ll be okay.” They sat like that for a long time, Louis just holding Harry and Harry just crying. That was the body Harry needed the most.

After ten minutes had passed, Louis pushed Harry away from him a little only to take his left hand that had four bright cuts. Louis took a shaky breath, but pulled himself together almost immediately. He’d found a towel near the sink and wrapped it around Harry’s wrist.

“Why did you do it?” He asked brokenly. Harry was just looking at him with expression that was now showing all of his emotions. He couldn’t hide them, not from Louis, no matter how hard he tried.

“It was the great escape.” He whispered, keeping the firm gaze between the two of them. Louis lifted his other, free hand to caress Harry’s cheek, removing the bunch of tears with his thump. He smiled just a little. It was supposed to come off as assuring, but it came off more brokenly. It was enough for Harry though. Louis took a deep breath and let his hand fall from the towel. He rolled up the sleeve of the hoodie that he was wearing, all up until his forearm wasn’t showing and let Harry see it. Numerous of straight lines were made just there. Harry’s eyes widened.  “I was suffering from depression. Kids at my old school beat the shit outta me because I was openly gay. This seemed like the easy way out. It just leaded to the worse things though. I ended up in hospital because I nearly killed myself one day. Don’t start Harry. Don’t start because it’s not the way.” At that moment, Harry felt something. Something he had never felt before. So, he’d done the only thing that was on his mind. He kissed Louis desperately, almost hungrily. He let all of his emotions out. All that he was feeling. All that he wanted to say. He didn’t keep anything in and he didn’t care.

The way Louis kissed him back said everything. They’d both wanted it and they both needed saving – especially Harry. And Harry already knew that Louis will be there for him, no matter what. They needed each other, more than ever, and they didn’t hesitate anymore. They knew each other’s darkest secrets and, somehow, it was enough for now.

“You are so beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Louis said between firely kisses and, for the first time in his life, Harry believed those words.


End file.
